By a philosophy-educated strategist for life and leadership
“We come to know ourselves only in relation to others.” — Aristotle
The philosopher Aristotle believed we do not know the essence of a thing in isolation, but through comparison, contrast, and relation. To understand your own sense of direction, purpose, and contribution, you must look at the figures you measure yourself against. This is not a flaw of the ego. This is the very process of consciousness waking up to itself.
In the quiet space of reflection, consider three lenses: Who do I admire? Who do I compete with? Who is my mentor?
Admiration reveals what we value as contribution. It shines a light on the virtues, actions, and presence that stir something in us. We rarely admire things we do not, in some deep way, desire to embody ourselves.
Ask yourself: Who do I admire? Is it someone from your field, someone you met, or a public figure you never knew personally? What did they do that made them admirable? How did you come to know them? Did they live boldly? Quietly? With compassion, with courage, with discipline?
Now notice this: When you feel admiration, your chest expands slightly. That’s your inner compass pointing outward.
But what if you realize you don’t really admire anyone?
This absence may signal a kind of internal numbness or protective detachment. Sometimes, it comes from disappointment, broken trust, or an overdeveloped need for self-reliance. In a world that celebrates independence, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that inspiration is weakness.
Yet, without admiring anyone, it’s hard to know what “doing something bigger than yourself” even means. If you don’t have an inner example of meaningful contribution, how can you define it for yourself?
Try this: Name three actions you would want others to admire you for. Then, ask: Do I actually admire anyone who lives that way?
Competition, when conscious, can sharpen our direction. But when it’s unconscious, it distorts our identity.
Ask: Who am I competing with? Is it a particular person? A ghost of a former boss? A sibling, a friend, a peer I follow online? Is it a version of myself from five years ago? Or is it a dream I haven’t yet fulfilled?
If you always feel chased, who or what is chasing you?
For some, the race is external: market share, promotion, prestige. For others, it’s an inner scoreboard: discipline, consistency, control. But here’s the essential question: Do you believe you can win?
And if you already did win — do you allow yourself to feel it?
If slowing down scares you, ask what part of your identity is built on speed, output, or winning. Sometimes, we continue to compete not because we want more, but because we fear becoming less.
Define it: What does “winning” mean to you? What would it feel like to win in life? Not just in business. Can you imagine that moment clearly? Can you define how you would know you had won?
Success without awareness turns into addiction. With awareness, it becomes direction.
Mentorship is not always formal. Sometimes, it’s a person you meet. Other times, it’s a voice you read. A worldview you encounter. A model of living that cracks your previous assumptions wide open.
Ask: Have I ever had someone who opened my perception of what’s possible? Who challenged me in a way that didn’t belittle me, but lifted my standard?
It could be a former teacher, a founder you admire, a spiritual guide, a writer, even a character in a film. Have you felt guided or shaped by someone? Or did you have to build everything alone?
If you had no mentor, what was the cost? And what did you gain?
Mentors shape the unseen architecture of our standards. They show us what we didn’t know we didn’t know. Even in their absence, they define our path. If you never had one, perhaps you became the person you needed. But even that realization can help you lead differently now.
Ask: Would this person, real or imagined, be proud of how I do things today?
To understand your values is to ask who you place in the spotlight of your inner stage. Admiration shows your desired contribution. Competition reveals your definition of success. Mentorship uncovers your internal compass for how to act.
None of these are fixed. All of them are living, shifting reflections of the world inside you.
So don’t just ask: Who am I? Ask:
Who shapes my striving?
Who defines what good looks like for me?
Who would I want to become a mentor for?
Because contribution starts the moment you become someone worth admiring — in your own eyes.
